Shit Cream Pies
If you are currently asking yourself "wtf is a shit cream pie" then strap yourself in and prepare for a crazy insiders look at the world of pro KART racing*.
Actually shit cream pies are what could possible be the worst, most utterly sickening concept to escape the tongues of man. To truly fathom the unbridled horror of this topic I must first create in you the blissful mindscape of regular whipped cream pies, and the obvious accompanying joke.
Imagine yourself anxiously waiting while someone readies a whipped cream pie (presumably at some type of social event like a birthday party). You know that some unknowing person in the crowd before will be "pied" in the face, and subsequently laughed at. Then suddenly, whilst in the middle of predicting who you think should be hit first, WHAM! Your face is covered in delicious, sugary goodness which you accept graciously, and open mouthed.
A pleasant, if not quaint, traditional party’s exercise, after which no person would leave feeling anymore than “slightly pissed”.
Consider this however: After you get hit by the whipped cream, and widen your jaw to accept the treat, the cool cloud of whipped goodness melts away into a sick, hot, horrid paste. It fills your mouth, and clogs your nostrils. The pie pan falls away as you choke, and gasp for breath. Your eyes sting when you open them to see the platter, now only partially filled, with some despicable brown substance. You shudder in horror at the split second realization of what just happened. Falling to the ground, you cough and sputter, even vomiting. Incapacitated by fits of dry heaves, and praying for some benevolent being to bring an end to your life. Anything to end the torment.
If you, by chance, you are too thick to have realized what happened it is this: Our fictional protagonist was hit in the face by a, steamy, gooey, mound of human shit, excreted into a pie and, then covered with whipped cream. A colleague and I have discussed, in great detail, the implications of shit cream pies; we have come to the conclusion that this insidious disguise is quite possibly the single greatest factor contributing to their atrocious nature. Being hit directly (without the whipped cream facade) the victim would undoubtedly be more prepared to: a) brace for impact
b) purge the shit from their body, and c) do anything.
In the aforementioned scenario, with no previous warning, the impact of shit would be multiplied 10 fold since the "fall guy" would initially be prepared to accept the shit (entirely unknowingly of course).
And, now as I a grow weary of discussing such horrible things, I leave you to ponder the infinite possibilities of shit cream pies.
~An Argoblog
posted by wildwookie05 @ 12:37 PM
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